Why We Need To Resist The Urge To Make It Fancy {& 4 Tricks I Use}
Crying means we're healing and this lady doesn't set goals.
Hi! I’m so thrilled about this first edition of Welcome Wanderer! How has your week been going? As you’ll read below, I share a vulnerable snippet from my day today in hopes you might feel a sense of freedom if you too need to release some pent up emotions or frustration.
I’m on my way out the door to drop my darling girl at the climbing wall where she practices twice a week on the rec team.
I’d love to hear what parts of today’s letter stick with you, leave a comment so the rest of the community can also benefit from your thoughts or questions!
Resist the urge to make it fancy. The project. The poem. The pie. The outfit. The schedule.
Fancy complicates our original desire. Fancy is the enemy of moving forward. Fancy is a bully. It wants to push us to our breaking point.
When I try to embellish a simple idea, an empty journal, an exercise routine, or my future life, I freeze.
What we started with fresh optimism and excitement, inevitably becomes convoluted and overwhelming. We talk ourselves out of taking any action because suddenly it all feels like too much.
If left to our own devices we automatically resort to fancy. Who doesn’t love a bougie 5-star experience?
We take a random business idea and in 2 seconds we manage to muddy the waters. We might think we need clearer steps, brand colors, and a professional logo. We kid ourselves and think we can whip up a quick website and it ends up taking weeks.
The idea never takes shape.
We pick up our empty journal and wonder when we’ll ever write in it again. Perhaps we need colorful pens, a better morning routine, or some prompts to inspire us. Suddenly, grabbing the pen out of the junk drawer and sitting for 5 minutes to jot down a few thoughts isn’t good enough.
The journal sits unused.
We know we want to exercise but wrongly assume we need to find a trainer. The right pilates class. Buy the barbells and the weights. Train for our first marathon. We feel tired before we’ve even taken a step. We forget the only requirement for exercise is some ratty workout clothes, a favorite playlist, and a pumping heart.
Our vitality declines and our energy drains.
We dream about the future. We set out with scissors and cut out pictures of our best life. We imagine having everything we’ve ever wanted. We’re fulfilled and happy with the perfect job, and traveling every summer to our cozy, beachfront cottage. We’ve made the gap so wide between today and tomorrow. We grow discouraged and lose interest in creating the life we desire.
The future you remains a fantasy.
So what’s the cure for our obsession with going fancy too fast? Clearly it’s not serving us…
Here are 4 tricks I’ve identified when I’m tempted to make anything more ornate and flowery than it needs to be:
Lower the bar, then go lower. Make it as easy as possible for you to take action.
Remind yourself this is about the long haul. We don’t want to wear ourselves out before we have a chance to start. Basic is always the better option if we value sustainable actions.
Set a timer for yourself. Decide right now, if it takes more than x-amount of time, then you’ve overcomplicated it. (Go back to number 1.)
Pay attention to how you feel. Is it fun? Are you empowered and motivated? Does your body relax or tense up?
Before I tell you the prompt, I first want to share how this section came about.
I hesitate to open many of my favorite weekly subscription newsletters from writers and thinkers I respect because I know what always happens. There will be a barrage of interesting hyperlinks and I will want to click on them all.
Isn’t it sad and strange how one little underlined word can unravel our entire morning?
We make thoughtless purchases, research random facts, and scroll through photos of a friend’s friend’s friend on Instagram!
Imagine if we explored our days with the same vigilance and determination, how beautiful our lives would become, a literal treasure trove of sparkling gems and secret love notes.
I hope we can learn to be more distracted by and curious about our fascinating in-the-flesh life, than with all the flimsy links we’re exposed to in a day.1
Okay, now onto this week's prompt to keep us engaged in the fleshy bits of life instead of following more rabbit trails across the internet:
Be Curious About… Crying.
I sat on my front porch and wept for 20 minutes today. It was snotty and guttural and my eyes will be puffy for a long time. It felt good though. It was long overdue.
Let’s be curious about our relationship with crying.
How do we handle upsetting situations, difficult seasons, grief or loss? Do we let ourselves cry or do we have other ways we process?
This week, give yourself or others the space to cry, weep, whimper, or wail if you need to. Tears are a normal part of how some of us heal and they’re a sign we are healing, surrendering, and moving through our pain or frustration.
Ina Garten’s memoir, Be Ready When The Luck Happens, came out yesterday and she was interviewed on several podcasts I listen to. Her childhood story is heartbreaking, but the love she found through her husband, Jeffrey, is the stuff of romance novels.
Little did I know, Ina is also a fellow wanderer. I was so surprised to hear her say this on the Making Space with Hoda Kotb Podcast,
“I do what I love to do. I don’t have any goals. I don’t set up a path for myself. Today I’m going to decide what I’m going to do tomorrow. And tomorrow I’m going to do it as well as I possibly do it. And tomorrow I’ll figure out what I’m going to do the next day.
I think if you have too many long-term goals, you cut things out. You’re not open to things that happen along the way.”
Thank you for reading!! Stay tuned for next week’s Welcome Wanderer, I already know who I’ll be featuring for the Wanderer of the Week!
Note: Welcome Wanderer will try to remain link-free to honor your time, your mind, and your sanity! If I do include a link, I promise to make it worth clicking on- a person, piece, or work of art to inspire creative adventures in your life!