Raising My Kids With No Religion
Find your rule breaking, rebellious spirit, and remember this simple phrase as you do, meet Mirabai and the book she wrote for all of us who are allergic to codified beliefs
Hello!
It’s Wednesday- can you believe it? How are you doing friend?
After feeling a bit blah the last few days, it feels good to feel good. I still don’t have the wished-for answers to many of the conundrums I’m facing, but that’s where this community of wanderers comes in. We are people who take courage in the detours and the I-don’t- know’s, and when the trail is fraught with steep hills or sharp corners we know we’re not alone.
In today’s letter, I share :
what it means for me to raise kids with no religion,
a prompt to promote rule-breaking and rebellious action,
and instruction from our Wanderer of the Week on how to find everyday miracles beneath your feet.
Here we go…
One side of the poem read “I am no religion” and the other read, “I am Christian.” A little side smirk moved across my lips. My daughter had brought home a poem she was assigned to write with a partner. The poem listed the unique differences (on either side of the page) and the subtle similarities (in the middle) she and her friend Jane shared.
Can you guess which line was my daughter’s?
Being raised a Christian, I still forget that my kids don’t know the meaning of rapture or baptism. They haven’t been steeped in the story of David and Goliath, they can’t recite the Roman Road and the scriptures on sin, they think hell is a swear(ish) kind of word not a place to send people who don’t repent to rot away for eternity, and they aren’t obsessed with any afterlife.
I share with them about my years abroad as a missionary when I believed wholeheartedly in Jesus as my (and the world’s) Savior, and my subsequent radical decision to give my whole life to building His Kingdom. Then, how, brick by brick, the tower of my rock-solid faith eventually crumbled to pieces and opened me to a pulsating relationship with the entire world.
We normalize evolution in our house.
I encourage my kids to seek and ask questions, think critically, love everyone, and look at the world through a broader, more inclusive lens than I ever had.
My 10-year-old daughter’s declaration “I am no religion” still caught me off guard.
I’m raising kids with NO religion…what kind of parent am I? Without a Jesus anchor and a moral compass based on biblical concepts, without an identity grounded firmly in the one true God, I wonder if they’ll ever find their way, find their purpose, and know their worth?
To say, I am Christian, sounds full of safety and strong faith and power to move mountains.
It hits me in random moments like these just how different their childhood religious framework is from the one I grew up with. Sometimes I want to revert to what I once held to be true. For a brief second I doubt my choice to leave organized religion, let my faith seep out beyond the walls of Christianity, and allow my Bible to move from the bedside to the basement.
As my daughter grows, she will inevitably cultivate a language for what she means when she says, “I am no religion.”
I am no religion will morph into a nuanced way of life for my daughter. A life where uncertainty has the upper hand and she worships the mystery woven into every facet of her life.
A life where her childhood curiosity isn’t quenched and questions guide her onward into new questions.
A life where spiritual humility is the focus and everyone is welcome because there’s no one right way to converse and connect with the ground of all being.
A life where she aspires to evolve and change her mind.
A life where her purpose isn’t to appease a god or please certain people, but to learn to trust herself and her intuition, and follow her path with flair and creativity.
A life where god isn’t a person, but a presence waiting to be unearthed in everything and everyone.
In essence, I hope her declaration of “I am no religion” will translate into “I’m a wanderer, here to enjoy the adventure of life.”
Writer Marla Taviano has been a companion to me in this often disheartening lonely work of dismantling our white evangelical Christian indoctrination. Through her profound and hilarious poems, I’m reminded of how much fun it can be to deviate from the dogma of religion. This poem of hers perfectly sums up what I envision for my 4 wild ones,
“My kids are so inclusive and kind
and accepting and wise and hilarious
They cuss like sailors and don’t believe in God
and I’m here for it and here for them
forever and always.”
I say let the children be spiritual wanderers. Send them out into this vast and exotic world, their bags brimming with love. Nudge them from the nest to travel with wide eyes, looking for the light in everyone.
To reconnect with our inner wanderer, we must shed society’s rules and timelines. Life is not a one-size-fits-all situation, there are many methods, ways, and approaches to travel through our days and create beauty.
Be curious about… a rule or timeline you need to break.
Where do you feel pressure to achieve or be hyper-productive? What formulas are you trying to follow at the expense of your joy and sanity?
How often do we forget- We’re allowed to break the mold, move at our own pace, subvert the system, challenge the norms, and lead an unconventional life?
In doing so, we must remember we’re not in trouble.
Our wanderer of the week, Mirabai Starr, instructs us,
“We unfold and grow as we go. Anyone who pretends that they are finished is lying to themselves and bamboozling you. Give your sweet self a break for being a regular person on a path of awakening. You are not in trouble.”
For this week’s Wanderer of the Week, I’d like to introduce you to the mischievous and magical Mirabai Starr! If you’re not familiar with her work, she’s an incredible teacher of interspiritual dialogue and has written many books on the topic. Her latest creation was the centerpiece of my morning ritual, it’s called, Ordinary Mysticism: Your Life as Sacred Ground.
I underlined, hearted, or scribbled “yes!” on every page. The gist of the book is laid out in these 2 poignant lines,
“After decades on a spiritual path, I have found myself growing increasingly allergic to the codified beliefs espoused by organized religion. At the same time, my thirst for the sacred is deeper than ever.”
This book equipped me with more poetic language for my own experience and invited me to come out even further into the spiritual waters. When religion says stop, Mirabai says fuck the system,
“The intimacy our soul longs for can happen only when we take off whatever stands between ourselves and union with the One….Find your own subversive spirit and reclaim even the most challenging parts of your life as holy ground. Then everyday miracles will spring forth from beneath your bare feet to astonish you.”
Lovely, right?!
I hope you snag her book right now!
Did this letter inspire you in some way? I’d love to hear about it! I’ll be back on Sunday with a Podcast Potion for you.
Thank you again for reading!
Traveling with you,
