I've Been Thinking About The Importance of Laughter in a Relationship

I'd love to hear your thoughts!

I keep reading and hearing about silliness lately, maybe because it’s been top of mind for me as I continue to navigate a tricky relationship situation with my current partner.

I’ve had this hunch that a shared sense of humor and the ability to make each other laugh is a foundational part of any healthy, long-lasting love affair. It’s always felt like work in our relationship, and it’s left me wondering if I’m no fun and I take life way too seriously.

In her book, 104 Dates and the Stories That Led Me to True Love, Heidi Friedman talks about her second marriage and how much they laughed together. She writes, “From probably date number two, Will has shared his witty, fairly dry sense of humor that always makes me laugh. Sometimes he gets on a roll, and I truly feel as if I will die laughing.”

She goes on to say, “The only way to integrate laughter into your daily life is to find someone who can make you laugh.”

There was a time when our capacity to be silly together felt like a frivolous value. I ignored the desire in me for years.

However, decades later, I’m wondering if it needs to be a non-negotiable. Life and relationships are just too much work for there not to be a natural flow of humor and inside jokes between a couple.

Case Kenny, author of The Opposite of Settling, writes about one study that found, “Playfulness between romantic partners is a crucial component in bonding and establishing relational security.”

Furthermore, “If the two of you can laugh at each other’s idiosyncrasies without either getting offended, it’s much better, it’s healthier. Shared laughter that you create together as a result of surrender might be a pathway to developing a more long-lasting relationship. Embrace your weirdness. Share it. And look for it in a partner.”

An article I found on Psychology Today reports, “The positive impacts of shared laughter extend beyond closeness. It doesn’t just bring people closer in the moment, but also plays a role in how partners evaluate the relationship as a whole.

When laughter is a recurring presence, it can positively shape the overall emotional climate of the relationship, making it feel lighter and more enjoyable to be in.

Over time, these lighthearted exchanges become part of the couple’s shared narrative, which influences how they think of the relationship and decide whether it’s a source of joy or strain in their life.”

I think I’ve found a curiosity of mine, a question I’m obsessed with, a rabbit hole I’d like to leap into— is laughing together a necessary part of any thriving romantic relationship?

I have yet to experience this kind of goofiness between my partner and me. Shared humor has been on life support for much of our relationship.

Have I read too many romance books where there is always a healthy dose of nose-flaring flirtation and sweet teasing between the two characters?

Or is it my inner navigation system guiding me toward silliness and fun?

All I know is life is hard. Add on top of that two people who live together, but go weeks and months without making each other giggle or laugh ‘til they cry. Now, that just feels sad.

How often do you and your partner laugh together? Is it a quality that attracted you to him/her from the beginning? Has it strengthened your relationship? Tell me your experience! xo, Charissa