I Need Your Help.

I need your help.

I wish I could outgrow the need for your help. I wish I could enter a time in my life where I didn’t need to be profusely encouraged, intimately held, and lovingly seen.

At 43, I'm beginning to realize we’re all just a bunch of sweet-hearted, crazy kids running around, making messes, getting into trouble, trying stupid shit, and swinging widely between all of our different parts and personalities.

Maybe true growth is refusing to grow up.

I recognize I’m still a newcomer to this life, and I might never be the expert in the room, but I can bring pure energy and electric vibrancy into every space.

My aliveness is offensive to some.

But maybe I’m finally tapping into true growth—refusing to untether myself from my idealistic, imaginative soul, the parts of me who still need to play for hours on the floor, slap gobs of paint across white paper and get it all over the table, and craft elaborate stories in my head.

I admit, I’ve always wanted to launch and grow a successful business, boast about my proficient writing career, and share my wisdom on stages in front of an enraptured audience.

But here I am still in need.

And some days it feels like I’m behind—stunted somehow emotionally and professionally.

I dreamed of making it big on this Substack, gathering a huge following, seeping out high-value, relevant content and creative pieces for you on this platform, to really embody the “be so good they can’t ignore you” vibes.

Instead, I’m asking for you to help me.

Of course, for a minute, my mind spins a story about how awkward and abnormal, immature, and unprofessional I am, but then I say ENOUGH.

Here’s the thing, what I’ve learned through months and months of therapy and life— asking for help with intention and clarity, openly acknowledging my worries and issues and insecurities, and confessing I still don’t have a clear handle on life is actually one of the most powerful and attractive qualities I can cultivate.

For as much as I want to show myself this year that I can stand on my own two feet, provide for myself and my kids in creative ways, and trust my intuition and desires, I also know I will need help, in the form of deep, meaningful encouragement to keep going, soulful witness and lots of “me too” and “look at you, doing this!” comments, and tender spaces where I feel safe and supported.

I am committed to becoming a professional at asking for strategic and scrappy help, entering fully into my complex needs, and not shying away from the full range of emotions in this human experience.

And it starts here, in this online writing room.

So… Hi!

It’s me, all windblown and rosy-cheeked, excited and expectant and a little naive, still learning who I am and what I’m here to do, grappling with life and all its complexities, finding my way day by day, overcoming obstacles with the stubbed toes and sore heart to prove it, stubbornly refusing to give up, never quite knowing what I’m doing, and relying upon my wobbly intuition and sketchy plan to get me through this adventure called life!

What does it feel like for you to reach out for help? What is one area you could use some help with right now- it can be anything!