Hey Friends,

Did you read my post yesterday about the list of beliefs I am still trying to let go of and, with them, the stories I tell myself?

I’ve been thinking a lot about the stories I’m sharing with my children, both the intentional and unintentional. The stories we read in actual books and also the ones I pass on through my actions, words, and lifestyle.

I want my kids to be familiar with and fascinated by the story of change and evolution.

The theory of evolution is a concept I was told to never believe. It was not The Truth; worse, it was a dangerous, heretical teaching. To believe we came from the great ape family was considered embarrassing, and antithetical to God as Creator.

In seven days, I was told, God spoke the world into existence. There was some wiggle room around whether or not this was to be taken literally. But the point was this: You and I and every living thing were definitely not some little accident.

When I gave myself permission to dive into the science and theory of evolution, I felt relieved.

At that point, my life was starting to fray and crack. My path was spinning off in directions I hadn’t planned for. My purpose in life, once clear and certain, was becoming muddied and mysterious. I kept my questions and doubts a secret for a long time.

Evolution stretched beyond the scientific connections among species and our origins, and into my daily lived experience. Perhaps it was okay and even necessary to outgrow parts of myself.

Up until this point, my only framework for change was that God was the same, yesterday, today, and forever. Solid and steady as a rock!

As a believer in this story, it was my job to stay on course.

Run the straight and narrow race set before me. On top of that, I had parents who worked the same job their entire working life and who stayed married no matter what.

The only kind of change I learned to praise was a turning toward Christ, growing in spiritual maturity, and recalibrating toward God if I perhaps lost my way for a time.

But a life without the ability to expand, experiment, and wander is that even living?

I want to give my kids the story of evolution in the fullest capacity. From their ape relatives to their own internal transformation. They do not have to be fearful of evolution.

They can change their minds whenever they want. They can turn around, go a different direction, try a completely new career path, divorce, remarry, divorce again, never marry. Life is there to explore.

There is no straight line they need to stay on. There’s no reward for remaining faithful to the bitter end.

They can quit things, relationships, hobbies, jobs, habits.

There’s no script or step-by-step manual for how to evolve; it’s something that happens to us as we learn to embrace adventure and curiosity and take ourselves less seriously.

What is something you hope to pass onto your kids?

Were you given a healthy view of change and evolution as a child?

Tell me about it.

Hey Friend,

I’m curious if any of you have changed your beliefs or values over the last ten years and how it has affected your life.

Every day I become more aware of the story I grew up with and held on to for deeper meaning in life, up until I was in my thirties.

The story I was taught and believed about my purpose and my place in the world, and the story I eventually started to tell myself, took root in me from a young age. As many of you know, its origins were in the Christian tradition.

It dictated my life path up until the last few years.

The story, as I interpreted it, went like this:

I was called to serve God first and foremost,

love Jesus and dedicate my life to Him,

the world is filled with evil and sin, only Jesus knows the way to God,

my body (the flesh) and intuition cannot be trusted,

attend a Christian university to gain more knowledge and refine my calling,

pursue a missionary life overseas,

find and marry a Christian man who shared my same passion and who was also pursuing God,

tell everyone I know about Jesus,

pray for others that they may also come to experience the love of Jesus,

sacrifice myself daily as a way to honor God,

question my desires,

make sure my motives are always pure and holy,

have children; motherhood is a high and holy calling,

attend, commit, and be involved in a local church,

stay married and continue to grow your relationship with your spouse,

never stop growing in my faith—dedicate time each day to worship, prayer, and reading and studying my Bible.

Those are just some of the chapters of the story I once believed.

To close this book and start another has been a tedious process. These beliefs wove themselves around every aspect of my life.

The most relevant example is my separation. I hear the old story loud and clear— you are in sin.

That belief keeps me on edge.

I feel like someone is stalking me, and that someone being a grumpy God. I feel like I need to watch my back, and I shouldn’t expect any good things to happen in my life.

My desires will never come to fruition. Whenever things don’t work out for some reason, I wonder if it’s punishment for not staying in and working on my marriage.

Obviously, I don’t believe this anymore. Well, okay, some days I still do.

If you find yourself walking away from and closing the pages on one story, give yourself time to learn how to live again on your own terms. It might take a while.You will feel out of place, without a purpose, and completely disoriented at times, and that’s okay.

It just means you’re evolving and changing, something you weren’t allowed to do in the old story.

Hey Friend,

This letter is coming straight out of my journal pages today. I've handwritten this letter to you first, before I typed it.

I'm overthinking lots of things this week. Maybe you can relate?

• What is happening to my two oldest children—have they entered the teenage phase?

• When will my partner and I actually start the official paperwork for our separation/divorce?

• Today is too hot and I'm always worried about our planet.

• What can I do for “work”? Do I go back to school? Do I just fully enter the rebuild phase instead of trying to get hourly jobs that I don't really feel excited about?

• What will I do tomorrow to keep the kids cool and free of complaining?

• Will I survive this summer break?

• How will we celebrate my son's 14th birthday in September? Maybe a surprise trip to the Olympic National Forest?

• I just got a fence built to keep the deer out of my yard (they can jump over 7 feet!), and it's so high and looks a little intimidating. But I'm so tired of living in fear of deer eating my garden.

• I'm getting a DEXA scan next week, and I'm already nervous about the results.

• Why do I keep feeling drawn back to writing and homeschooling my kids?

What questions and thoughts are going round and round in your head today?

When I sit still with my mind for a few minutes, I hear the cacophony of voices and worries and random nonsense that comes in and out.

It makes me feel a little crazy! Please tell me I'm not alone and you experience this too!

However, my overthinking slows down significantly as soon as I acknowledge, or even jot down, all my whirling, buzzing thoughts.

Try it out and let me know if it helps you!

Hey Friend,

Let’s jump right in! Here are 8 easy ways I create connections throughout my day (and ultimately feel happier!). Ready? Let’s go!

1. Keep space in your schedule so you can always be open to random conversations, even if it means you’re late for your next appointment.

2. If you’re sharing space with someone in a checkout line or in a waiting area, make eye contact, give them a simple compliment, and smile.

3. If someone asks you how you’re doing, replace the familiar response of “Pretty good!” or “Busy!” with an actual feeling or situation you’re working through at the moment.

4. Say people’s names when you speak with them. If you don’t know someone’s name or have forgotten it, make it a point to ask them. (I always think of this scene from The Santa Clause, “No, thank you…Judy.”)

5. If you see someone you know (even loosely), stop what you’re doing, walk over to them (even if you have to go out of your way!), and say, “Hey! It’s good to see you!” If I’ve only met them once and already forgot their name, I always follow it up with a reintroduction and remind them where we met, like this: “Our daughters have gymnastics class together. I’m Charissa. Can you remind me of your name again?”

6. Come up with a few signature questions to tuck in your back pocket to ask people when you strike up a conversation. Besides the usual “How are you doing?” or the overwhelming “Do you have any plans for the weekend?”, you could ask:

• What are you looking forward to these days?

• How are your kids/partner/husband?

• I’d love to hear more about… (fill in the blank with something you remember about them or their life)

7. Don’t be afraid to start with small talk about the weather! Although it’s a comfortable, natural conversation starter that we often loathe, it can diverge into some fun and interesting topics if you let it unfold organically. Here’s an example of a conversation I had yesterday:

Me to the espresso stand lady: “Wow, it’s chilly out today! Are you staying warm in there? Do you have a heater or anything?”

Espresso stand lady: “Ya, it stays pretty warm in here.”

Pause while she finishes our drinks.

"Espresso stand lady: “I’m actually from Alaska, just got back a couple of days ago. So this, I hate to say it, feels warm to me.” (She smiles.)

Me: “Oh my goodness, yes, we Washington people are total wimps when it comes to the cold!”

Espresso stand lady: “While I was there, the coldest it got was about -30 degrees.”

We continued to chat back and forth for just a minute or two. She shared about growing up in Anchorage and how long the snow stays on the ground there. We both connected and enjoyed the interaction, smiling and laughing throughout our brief chat.

8. Hold open doors for people just because, not because they’re older or have kids in their arms, but because they’re a fellow human and you don’t want the door slamming in their face. It’s a simple, evergreen way to acknowledge those around you and offer them a bit of kindness and solidarity.

I often make my mission for the day one thing—to connect. I stay in a posture of openness to the people who cross my path, exuding warmth and energy and authenticity.

Whether I’m dropping kids off at activities, swimming laps at the community pool, going for a walk on the trails by my house, or running my usual errands to stores or the library, I have it in the back of my mind that I want to notice and acknowledge people in little ways.

Does it make me awkward? Maybe.

Honestly, though, I’m so past being embarrassed about my sometimes overly pro-social behavior. Because deep down, we all harbor a secret— we want to be noticed! We L.O.V.E being seen, and talked to, and smiled at.

To me, these face-to-face, random interactions throughout our days provide a more sustainable, healthy way to get what so many of us are looking for on social media— attention!

My commitment to striking up conversations anywhere transforms every day into an adventure. Moving through life with conscious awareness of the people in my midst infuses my daily routine with an exciting element of surprise!

I meet new friends and discover kindred spirits. I get to know people in my neighborhood and hear fascinating stories. I have the opportunity to offer comfort and wisdom and receive it in return. I practice compassionate listening with all kinds of people. And ultimately, I feel happier and more aligned with myself and my intuition!

How does all this land with you? Do you go through your days looking for random connections?

Two of my favorite and most impactful podcasts on talking to strangers are this one and this one.