Hey Friend,

How are you?

So many of you are going through so much.

And nobody knows.

Whatever you are dealing with today, whether it’s a nagging, chronic physical issue, a family member who needs 24/7 care, unexplainable sadness, low-grade anxiety, or just the normal stress of being alive, you are not alone.

By that I mean, there’s nothing wrong with you.

Life is hard.

Sometimes we need to admit that to ourselves.

Life is really fuckin’ hard.

There is so much happening all the time, on every level, and in the midst of the labor of simply living, here we are, moving around our neighborhoods and homes, doing our best to put on a smile for everyone, carry on with small talk, and feed ourselves a bowl of cereal, oh and trying to figure out how we’re going to manage the next surprise on our path.

Life doesn’t stop sliding us up and down and spinning us around and around.

The only wisdom I have to offer most days is this: Hang on, tight. It’s a wild ride.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to say my life feels easy or peaceful or beautiful without first saying it’s massively hard, sweaty, relentless, gut-wrenching, emotional WORK.

And even then, life still sways more toward work than ease.

Every hour of my day requires some kind of effort. Is it me? I must be doing something wrong? I can’t tell you how many times a day I sit with this question.

No matter how much I try, my life still doesn’t feel happy and relaxed. My house doesn’t look like the clean, white minimalist Pinterest photo. My garden has never grown into the Eden-like sanctuary I’ve attempted to make it into.

Friends, does this sound depressing?

It might.

But honestly, this kind of honesty fills me with real, muscular hope, as Krista Tippett calls it.

We don’t need to shy away from saying life is really, really hard.

We’re not cursing ourselves when we say life is hard, we are actually conversing with reality. We are bravely entering into the conversation with life as it is and this is how we support ourselves, this is how we keep going.

Life is hard. I’m saying it with you.

And so is one of my favorite writers, Glennon Doyle:
”Being human is not hard because you're doing it wrong; it's hard because you're doing it right. You will never change the fact that being human is hard, so you must change your idea that it was ever supposed to be easy.” from her book, Untamed

It’s Monday and if your life feels hard, congratulations.

Celebrate!

I’m serious.

Celebrate the hard. Revel in the challenges. Dive into the difficulties. Forget about ever finding that flowy free life.

Most of the time, the best we can do is go scream into a pillow and not give up on ourselves.

Sending you so much love,

Hey Friend, How’s your Friday so far? Send me a message and say hi!

As a perfectionist in many areas of my life, I often feel paralyzed when things don’t look like I imagined or unfold just so, in a well-orchestrated, organized manner. I can become easily frustrated and reactive, and then I either want to give up completely or crack a whip over myself or others.

Through the years, I’ve found the secret to avoiding this black-and-white way of living—become a perfectionist at half-assing it.

When I challenge myself to set the bar a little bit lower, bring the intensity down a notch, and simplify, I notice the spell of perfectionism is broken instantly, and I feel enthusiastic and energized again.

Here’s how it looks practically:

I want a sparkly kitchen. Great. Wipe down the counters and start a load of dishes. Light a candle or put out a fresh sponge. Works wonders.

I want to make progress in my writing life. Super. Set the timer for fifteen minutes and let the words flow without editing. Extra credit: Hit publish.

I want my kids to tidy up their rooms. Sure thing. I set a timer and tell them to take five minutes and pick up anything off the floor, and make their bed.

Still need to figure out dinner for my family. No problem. Scrambled eggs and toast, or chicken and rice, always does the trick.

My garden feels like too much work. No worries. Pull some weeds for a few minutes in just one section, then reward myself with watering or picking a fresh bouquet.

The day is overwhelming, emotional, or not going as planned. Don’t throw in the towel. Instead, I grab an actual towel and jump in the shower to reset myself and start over fresh.

Not excited to work out. Easy. Make it into a game somehow, layer on the fun, crank up the music, podcast, or audiobook, dial back the intensity if need be; the only goal is to finish.

Bogged down by an endless list of to-dos. Breathe. Pick one item for the day to accomplish. That’s it. Success redefined.

I want to journal. Easy Peasy. I look up a prompt or create one myself and then scribble out my thoughts for only three to five minutes. None of this morning-pages-must-be three-pages rules.

Can you see the pattern here?

For me, it’s all about making things tinier, simpler, easier, or more fun. I’ve learned that setting the bar lower for ourselves and for others, doesn’t actually make us lazy, but actually more creative and motivated!

I imagine we’re all perfectionists in different areas of our lives. Wherever it shows up for you today, I hope you can join me in finding the beauty in the bare minimum.

Can’t wait to hear how this lands for you!

Hey Friend!

Today is a big day for me. I’m writing for the first time from my new home! Sunshine is streaming through the window as I type out this little note to you, and my Parisian cafe music is playing in the background.

I have so much to share in the coming days and weeks ahead. Where do I begin?

Let’s start with how I’ve been staying happy through a separation, shall we?

Well, to be honest, I haven’t been happy all the time, as you can imagine.

I thought the sadness and grief were telling me that this separation was wrong, sinful, extremely selfish and I need to turn the hell around and go back to the way things were. ( I have a nasty inner critic and her name is Helen.) But for what feels like the first time, I’ve allowed myself to sit and simmer (for days sometimes) in the uncomfortable emotions without judging them or taking instruction from them.

Now, I find comfort in the more prickly emotions because they are simply showing me I am human. That’s it. What I’m doing is brave and difficult. Of course I will feel conflicted many days.

So number 1 on the list of how I’m staying happy through a separation is this— allowing myself to cry buckets of tears and to feel and metabolize all the regret, grief, heartache, and pain.

Here are 9 more ways I’m staying happy:

2. Weaving bright, fun colors and patterns into my new space, something I’ve always been too scared to do…until now!

3. Reading beautiful, whimsical picture books aloud to my kids. I’ve done consistently since they were tiny and now, with my oldest begin 13, I’m leaning harder than ever into this routine! (Secretly, I think picture books are actually written for adults to keep us enchanted with life! It’s one of my go-to methods for calming my nervous system.)

4. Dreaming up and designing my simple backyard garden. It’s not quite home until the seeds are sown and flowers start to grow! Some of my favorite, easy-to-grow flowers are bachelor buttons, cosmos, calendula, zinnia, love-in-a-mist, poppies, and dahlias.

5. My kids’ excitement for this transition. I’m astonished frankly, and keep waiting for them to express hesitation or doubt, but they are genuinely filled with anticipation, delight, and curiosity about our family looking different. They aren’t afraid of my tears and they know and see how difficult it’s been for me, and still their energy and support remains consistent— “Mom, this is going to be so good!”

6. A surprising new love for The Mystery and The Magic of life— thank you to my daily handwritten, sloppy journaling sessions. Months ago I had a profound experience while sitting alone with my pen and paper. The sweetest divine embrace wrapped around me and I heard a simple whisper, “We’ve got you. Don’t you see? This was all orchestrated for you.” I sighed and wept in deep relief and let this small reassurance sprinkle like confetti over my soul.

7. Maintaing a level of friendship with my partner. We are mustering all the strength we have to support each other through this transition. We’re not doing it perfectly for sure, but our focus is to have a damn good and even beautiful separation, so the atmosphere in our relationship and family is still one of love and admiration forever.

8. Nerding out on my natal birth chart with my astrologer friend Meg! She gave me a whole self reading and to say I was blown away is an understatement! The OMG moments were too many to name, I’m hooked. Astrology is a fascinating ancient practice and let’s just say I’m a curious skeptic who is not opposed to finding the sacred in the seasons.

9. Naming what I WANT. This is a journey I’ve been on for decades. Wanting has always felt inherently selfish and scary to me. The last few months have been me taking up a whole lot of fucking space and it’s the most uncomfortable (and brave!) I’ve felt in my whole life. Even writing these few sentences took an embarrassing amount of courage and rebellion.

10. Poetry. It’s been my compass and companion. I find poems navigate me toward acceptance of my innate wildness and invite me to expand and explore my own heart, to see the world through a lens of lyrical possiblity.

How are you cultivating happiness in your world today? Tell us all about it!

PS: Thank you for your patience over the last month as I find my way through this time and do my best to honor my energy, capacity, and needs. You’ll be hearing more from me in the coming days!